I see a lot of women on here had the same experience I did! I am so proud of you ladies for realizing enough is enough and taking back your LIFE!

For me it was when the belittling disguised as jokes began, along with outlandish remarks and questions. I’m a very accepting person and have kind of a “live and let live” philosophy on life. I work in my local school district. I’ve met many personality types along the way, so I just figured this guy sure is direct and outspoken isn’t he!? At first I’d laugh at his little condescending digs about my appearance or my parenting or cooking or driving or whatever. Maybe his sense of humor is a little more negative and dark than mine. So what. Who cares? I didn’t see it as “my problem” until it was. The put-downs worsened and became more frequent. Nothing was off limits in the way he criticized me. It started to feel like it was all the time. It ruined everything. I remember standing up for myself and finally saying Hey! Stop talking to me like that! Stop criticizing me all the time! It feels like you don’t even like me! That last sentence. I ended up saying it at least 100 times in the 8mos we dated. His response would be that he was joking or just trying to help and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. That was his catch-phrase towards the end of an argument. “I love you and I want to be with you.” Sprinkled throughout our relationship were handme down gifts, seemingly kind gestures, help with the house, and all kinds of confusing and contradictory behavior. He once offered to check in on my animals because I worked a 2nd job in the evenings. He did it for about 2 weeks and then one day out of the blue after I had texted him from school to say there was a last minute change to my schedule could he stop by, he slipped into some mania or rage or tantrum and told me this was all stressing him out. That he wants to relax after work and not have to drive around and that he’s not my baby-daddy! I was floored by his reaction (never got used to the irrational reactions to things), felt badly that I was stressing him out, apologized profusely, and reminded him that he had offered in the first place! His response was that he didn’t know what he was getting himself into and that it was just too much for him. Whiney. Ass. Bitch. This was all via text. I ended up calling him after I got home so we could talk. He was still in a rage which then turned quickly into a rant about how my cooking was ruining his diet! That he likes to four square meals and my meals are always just fattening and lazy. That he might as well go to Taco Bell. It was so bizarre, but somehow I was the one who ended up apologizing, making concessions for the future, and basically begging for forgiveness. This is one of MANY scenarios that finally caused me to leave. It’s been 3 weeks no contact and on the 28th of this month it will be a month since I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I feel everything. Relief, freedom, anger, sadness, loss, dashed hopes, alienation, confusion, betrayal. Researching and understanding the signs and red flags of this toxic behavior which I also agree is likely NPD and abuse consume me right now, as I try to make sense of what happened. It’s truly a terrifying walk thru a Fun House, except it isn’t fun at all. I’m just glad I walked out and didn’t get lost in there.

Don’t trust this guy for a split second. He tricked me thinking he was wearing a condom until he came and laughed at me. I didn’t support a woman’s right to choose abortion until after that night. Just bein real. Two months later I meet a new guy and have my first outbreak. Second worst experience of my life, the first being the night he gave it to me. Now I gotta these pills and it’s gone but tell the men I meet and they jet! Not all of them. Mostly just the stupid ones. But still. It’s made my dating life ten times more difficult, and it already wasn’t easy. Just cuz some asshole who thought it would be funny to not use a condom. But y’all don’t get too bothered by his nonsense, because there’s a special place in hell for people like him. And a karma bus. One or the others gonna get him. And I’m gonna laugh if I ever hear about it!

At first I thought this site was very funny, but after a few days it didn’t sit right with me. I think we can all agree that he’s excellent in bed, but an awful human being. For those of you who he has hooked though, I wrote this for you.

After I left Phil, I completely fell apart. This felt horrible even more because he was right, again. I couldn’t stand him when he was right. Only two weeks out from no contact, someone actually asked me why I was so upset. They said if I hadn’t been so codependent, it wouldn’t have happened. That he was seeing other people and there was nothing stopping me from doing the same. My eyes welled up from tears and I just stammered that I didn’t choose to be abused then walked away.

I was in 3 relationships prior to meeting Phil, and I did not display codependency. I’m not a people pleaser, I have learned to be selfish and hard with my boundaries. That is how I was when I met him. But, I became codependent in the relationship because he GROOMED me to be, and he brainwashed me to let go of my values/morals to fit his life for supply, and trauma bonded me to him with such a great amount of skill. I had no knowledge of what a narcissist was, what gaslighting, or lovebombing, etc. looked like. To this day I look back and see how masterfully he manipulated me on so many levels.

He chose me. He stalked me on dating websites until I finally gave in. Others have been chosen for their GOOD QUALITIES. We were all good women before we met him. He saw how happy, full of fire we were. Toward the end be would say I had a light in me that he fell in love with, but he hasn’t seen it in a long time. He wanted that light, so he took it then blamed me for giving it to him, pretending he never took anything. That is why he hurt me– not because I was codependent weak prey, and neither are you.

Before Phil, my boundaries were strong– we are not weak people. But I wasn’t aware that he was a predator? I thought he was someone who loved me, so I’m not going to use the boundaries I would use when dealing with a hostile stranger. I’m going to use the boundaries I use when I’m with someone I love– is it my fault that he took advantage of me there?

I remember the state I was in. I was in constant fight or flight, I could not sit down and concentrate. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t even shower/feed myself, because I was waiting for him to scream or call me to argue. I was terrified for months on end. And he thought it was hilarious.

He held me captive, I had no ability to use my time as I pleased. I was made to tolerate more and more, slowly like a frog in a boiling pot of water. People do not usually tolerate this– that is true, but neither would a frog jump into a hot pot of water. We did not want this. I did not want this. To get a frog to sit in a pot of hot water, waiting for death, imagine the skill of the one manning the stove.

If I have anything to say, my takeaway from the over one year of no contact is that none of this was your fault. No matter where you are on your journey, a spoiler and something to internalize, if you haven’t reached this realization– absolutely none of this was your fault. Do not blame yourself for a second.

Phil and I were messing around for awhile when out of the blue I started getting yeast infections after every time I slept with him. He made it clear he was seeing other women, and that’s cool because I was seeing other guys.

At first I thought my pH was off, diet or something. But then he got all pissy one night and we didn’t see each other for a minute. Guess what? No more yeast infections! I didn’t figure it out until I saw him again.

As soon as I was good to go, I went and slept with more guys than normal to test my theory. Didn’t get even the hint of another infection. Went and saw him. You already know it!! Got another one!!! And I didn’t even get to the worst part. He didn’t care when I had one!! I tried but it was just too nasty. It made me nauseous because he went down on me then expects me to kiss him?!?! No thanks dude!! I’m out!!

He always made me feel like I did something wrong…didn’t call for a week and then he texted…I saw his name on my phone screen and it made me sick. My stomach tightened, my belly hurt, I was sweaty and nervous. All of this escalated into panic attacks. When it was already clear that he was throwing me away like a hot potato again, I wrote him one last message. My heart pounded in my throat, I thought I was going to puke. Everything inside me was shaking. No one had ever made me feel this way before. He never responded.He really never cared. It felt like I died inside that night. That’s all I wanted to say.

I had suspicions, but this site proves it! I was seeing Phil for awhile before we had sex. He refused to wear a condom, so I turned down his advances. Well eventually I gave in. A month or so later, I’m watching TV in his room, he’s checking the food in the kitchen, and his phone is buzzing every other dang second. I glanced over and saw the names of three different women sending him text messages. And he told me I was the only one! I calmed down after a few and thought maybe they were just customers. I made a joke about it when he came back, he got mad saying he couldn’t trust me. I saw a whole new side of him, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty, let me tell you! I should’ve left him right then and there, but next thing I knew we were being intimate. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Not even a week later we’re in bed and he’s got his phone on the tv playing porn. I hated him doing that. Killed the moment and I didn’t feel so special anymore. Well things weren’t going well. He got up and went to the restroom with his phone. BUT he forgot his phone was on the tv. I stayed quiet. I saw him flirting with damn near every woman on every site that exists! Plenty of Fish and all those types of sites. But I still stayed quiet. Then he got on Facebook and was hitting up other women thanking him for sex! I was so mad I couldn’t see straight. I got dressed and left. I have never been so insulted in all my life! So all that time we were having unprotected sex, I can guarantee you he was doing the same with all those other women. Thank the Lord I didn’t get any STDs!! That was a close call! DO NOT TRUST HIM!

Man there are some haters up in here! Lemme set the record straight yall! He bangs women. ANY WOMEN!!! Says it right up on his profile! How you gonna fall for a guy like that??? Bitch please. Get real!

Lupe Lady – Houston, TX