I broke his heart. I feel terrible about it and thought I was making up for it by taking all the abuse. Apparently, he just likes hurting me because I deserve it. But I’ve seen him hurt lots of really nice women, too. I think he means to hurt people. I think he knows exactly how deeply he cuts me with his careless words.

I thought I could change him, but I was wrong. He has some Narcissistic Personality Disorder tendencies, such as never actually feeling sorry, incapable of being held accountable, and only understands the world from within a very fragile ego.

If you’re trying to have a monogamous relationship, don’t. It’s just never gonna happen. If he tells you that you’re the only one he’s having sex with, he’s lying or just referring to that hour or day. Expect lots of half truths and doublespeak. He is easily distracted and forgets about most women within three hours.

If he starts texting while you’re going down on him, he’s making fun of the previous 3 or 4 women who aren’t “currently in rotation,” he might even be sending pics of you. Over time I became paranoid. I learned not to expect a car outside every time he’s lying about having another “friend” over. He bangs homeless chicks. If you see a drugged out skinny chick walking away in any direction from his house, he probably just banged her. And he never wears a condom.

And god forbid if you don’t get him off! And if he thinks you’re lying about anything at all, just run and don’t turn back. Especially if you really are lying or if he’s into you- at the time. He never forgives. And you can mark his every threat, if you push him he will follow through without mercy or hesitation.

His best friend is that way for a reason. I’ll call her Blondie. He bangs her too, and she gives him shots. Sometimes does his hair. And ESPECIALLY don’t trust the one that lived in her garage. That “friend” got me hooked on drugs so she could have more time with Phil. She’s charming but defines the word conniving. She’s also gotten two other friends of Phil’s hooked on drugs. She’s a decent person when medicated.

The part that makes me craziest is that he won’t listen. He says he’s a godsend to women, but he’s a curse. He cycles through women like Lance Armstrong. Honeymoon phase lasts 1-2 weeks. Then 1-2 weeks of monotony and being moody, especially moody if he’s only banging you. Then he steps out. Usually with me. It took me way too long to realize the pattern. He may or may not warn you when he drops you/ kicks you to the curb. That’s why this site exists. The “friend” called it “getting strange,” as in once he can’t take it anymore he bangs the first STRANGEr he finds. Usually a drifting grifter. Just a nasty man.

I sincerely hope there is a woman strong enough and pure enough (but not naive at all) that can help that man. No one deserves to die alone. He’s making a beeline for that future as I write this. Such a disappointment.

Oh! But on the bright side, I’ve learned so much from him! I’ve learned boundaries, how to stand up for myself, who I truly am, and what my values are. When I met him I was a shell of a woman. Naive and out to get laid, no feels, no way! Then he found me on a kinky dating site. Said he could teach me kinky things. All he taught me was that I’m far stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. So if you feel victimized by him, remember that’s just the on-ramp to a better life. I read a quote that hit the nail on the head. “Every negative event contains within it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

I highly recommend Stoicism if you want to stick around in his life. Here’s another: “The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.” – Will Rogers

I say, Use your pain to start again! He doesn’t own you, no matter how homeless or depressed you are. You can and you will move on without even realizing it. So just accept it and take back control of your life. You’re the only one who can. For that, just remember: A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it. – Marcus Aurelius