At first I thought this site was very funny, but after a few days it didn’t sit right with me. I think we can all agree that he’s excellent in bed, but an awful human being. For those of you who he has hooked though, I wrote this for you.

After I left Phil, I completely fell apart. This felt horrible even more because he was right, again. I couldn’t stand him when he was right. Only two weeks out from no contact, someone actually asked me why I was so upset. They said if I hadn’t been so codependent, it wouldn’t have happened. That he was seeing other people and there was nothing stopping me from doing the same. My eyes welled up from tears and I just stammered that I didn’t choose to be abused then walked away.

I was in 3 relationships prior to meeting Phil, and I did not display codependency. I’m not a people pleaser, I have learned to be selfish and hard with my boundaries. That is how I was when I met him. But, I became codependent in the relationship because he GROOMED me to be, and he brainwashed me to let go of my values/morals to fit his life for supply, and trauma bonded me to him with such a great amount of skill. I had no knowledge of what a narcissist was, what gaslighting, or lovebombing, etc. looked like. To this day I look back and see how masterfully he manipulated me on so many levels.

He chose me. He stalked me on dating websites until I finally gave in. Others have been chosen for their GOOD QUALITIES. We were all good women before we met him. He saw how happy, full of fire we were. Toward the end be would say I had a light in me that he fell in love with, but he hasn’t seen it in a long time. He wanted that light, so he took it then blamed me for giving it to him, pretending he never took anything. That is why he hurt me– not because I was codependent weak prey, and neither are you.

Before Phil, my boundaries were strong– we are not weak people. But I wasn’t aware that he was a predator? I thought he was someone who loved me, so I’m not going to use the boundaries I would use when dealing with a hostile stranger. I’m going to use the boundaries I use when I’m with someone I love– is it my fault that he took advantage of me there?

I remember the state I was in. I was in constant fight or flight, I could not sit down and concentrate. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t even shower/feed myself, because I was waiting for him to scream or call me to argue. I was terrified for months on end. And he thought it was hilarious.

He held me captive, I had no ability to use my time as I pleased. I was made to tolerate more and more, slowly like a frog in a boiling pot of water. People do not usually tolerate this– that is true, but neither would a frog jump into a hot pot of water. We did not want this. I did not want this. To get a frog to sit in a pot of hot water, waiting for death, imagine the skill of the one manning the stove.

If I have anything to say, my takeaway from the over one year of no contact is that none of this was your fault. No matter where you are on your journey, a spoiler and something to internalize, if you haven’t reached this realization– absolutely none of this was your fault. Do not blame yourself for a second.