Clearly the owner of the site isn’t monitoring it. Otherwise, why would he let these stories stay here? I’ll tell my story and hope that it helps one of you.

I met Phil April 2015. We flirted online for a long time until I felt I could trust him. He was much older, but since he had a house and car and was working, it was still an improvement from my ex. I was also going to school at the time and desperate for someone to escape to. To just be me again.

But in the end, Phil was no better than my alcoholic ex. In fact, he was worse. Turns out there are worse addictions that are easily hidden if you don’t know better. He used gaslighting to make me question my mental stability, to the point that he almost convinced me to see a neurologist and make sure nothing was wrong with my brain. He consistently belittled me and caused me to question every decision I made or thought I had. His brother was no help and was polite enough to refuse to get involved. I began dealing with intense depression and found it increasingly difficult to find enjoyment in things I once loved. I became angry, isolated and searched for acceptance anywhere I could find it.

When I would say I was leaving him, he would become violent, throwing and smashing things. Then a few days later he would explain that he wouldn’t do those things if he didn’t love me. I wish I knew that isn’t love back then. I would give him another chance and he was affectionate and kind again. He was thoughtful and funny. He was extremely nice when I told him I was interested in his drug of choice. I thought he had finally come around because I was being more accepting.

Not long after, I was addicted. He used the addiction to control me. It just kept getting worse and worse. His words became more violent and insulting. Whenever I did have the courage to stand up to him, he would find a new way to belittle me – like telling me to go back to therapist. It got to the point where I didn’t know reality apart from this world he had created. 

Towards the end of our relationship, he threatened to call CPS to take my daughter away so I would know what he was capable of. I now work in domestic violence prevention, hoping that the experience I had will never be endured by another person.

SM – Austin, TX